10 tips for respectful communication
Respectful communication is about what, how, when, and where we speak as well as how we receive messages from other parties.
Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay
I grew up with the old saying ‘sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ - what rubbish. In all areas of our lives, we hear stories of the harm done by ignorant, careless, and/or just plain mean communication.
For me respectful communication is an essential foundation for a respectful workplace culture. This includes being aware of inclusive language and microaggressions (Micro-aggressions — Respect at Work), and remembering that communication includes our gestures, facial expressions, and tone (93% of our communication is nonverbal). Respectful communication also includes our electronic communication, and it’s not just that old rule of not using capital letters in emails. Check your emails, but also your text messages, teams chat, slack, social media pages; casual messaging platforms still need to comply with respectful workplace policies.
Another key point to remember here is that no matter how well we might know our colleagues our workplace communication is rarely private. We’ve probably all heard stories of a seemingly ‘innocent’ comment being overheard, misinterpreted, or misused. Familiarity and ignorance do not give license to disrespectful or offensive language.
Respectful communication is about what, how, when and where we speak as well as how we receive messages from other parties.
Listening respectfully
If someone doesn’t feel listened to, heard, respected, or valued their feelings can overwhelm their thinking.
Do you always listen well? What gets in the way? Do you listen to respond, or are you listening to really hear the message the other party is sharing? Listening well doesn’t have to mean agreeing, but it does mean appreciating the time and effort the other party is taking to engage with you. Check yourself - are you hearing the message that the other party is saying? Are you listening well and without judgement?
Communicating well (and respectfully) is a skill and is something that we can all improve. Being vulnerable and recognising your communication weak spots is step one to becoming a better communicator.
10 tips for communicating respectfully:
Slow down, be an active listener - pause, take a breath, slow down, listen to hear not just to speak.
Use civility and be polite.
Be aware of your nonverbal communication, gestures, facial expressions, sighs. Careful wording won’t help if your tone reflects blame and disrespect.
Think about the words and phrases you are using: is your language inclusive? Inclusive language puts the person first, check yourself for unconscious bias, ignorance, and micro-aggressions. Language can be complex and is always evolving. Getting it right requires a mixture of hearing what the research tells us, listening to people with lived and living experience, and continually adapting to what we are hearing.
Avoid judgement.
Avoid gossip and rumours.
Be open to listening to (and giving) feedback. Constructive feedback is clear and specific and is communicated without sugar coating or passive aggression.
Communicate with honesty and integrity.
Paraphrase back to ensure you have heard correctly, and if you have missed something ask questions until you have the whole message.
Appreciate the time and effort the speaker is spending to engage with you. Allow yourself to be focused on them rather than on you.
We all want to be seen and heard in our organisations, communicating respectfully sets the foundation for respectful and inclusive organisations where everyone feels psychologically safe and valued.
‘Communication works for those that work at it’ – John Powell
Respect at Work facilitates discussions about respect, respectful communication, and respectful behaviours, have look here at some of the training options we offer.