Be an upstander
Upstanders lead by example,
encouraging others to do the same.
I know that in the past I have personally witnessed behaviour that I chose to ignore; whether because I felt it was none of my business, or for self-protection, or simply because at the time I didn’t feel it was important enough. I apologise to those individuals who would have appreciated a kind word, some support, and someone in their corner.
Upstanders lead by example, encouraging others to do the same.
Upstanding or active bystander behaviour does not mean arguing or taking over on someone's behalf. It does not mean putting yourself in the firing line. You don’t even have to confront the person who is causing harm directly if the risks of doing so are too high.
As an upstander you can almost always show solidarity with the person who is being harmed , even if it is not safe for you to stand up to the offender directly. The acknowledgement that ‘something is wrong here’ is invaluable. It helps the other person by letting them know you noticed what happened, they’re not alone, and they’re not imagining things.
In my February 2025 post about micro-aggressions (Micro-aggressions — Respect at Work) I wrote that we can/should all call out micro-aggressions and then encourage others to follow our example. If we notice that a comment/behaviour has unintendedly caused harm (or has the potential to do so), and the target is not in a position to speak up about it out or advocate for themselves, then surely we have a duty to be an ally and call it out. I know that’s what I would hope someone would do for me.
Interestingly, just as I am writing this a Linked-In notification has appeared about a post by Kim Scott (Author of Radical Candour and Radical Respect). Here is the link to Kim’s post (10) Direct, Distract, Delegate, Delay, Document: 5 Ways to Intervene When You Witness Bullying & Harassment | LinkedIn which is about the 5 intervention options I am including here.
5 intervention options:
Distract – create a distraction and/or change the subject
Delegate – can you ask someone else to intervene on your behalf, or on behalf of the target?
Direct – in the moment, speak-up, mention that 'that comment/joke/tone is a bit much'
Delay – go to the individuals after the moment and have a private chat; check-in with the person who was the target of the inappropriate comment. This option might also include checking-in with the person/people who were inappropriate and reminding (or pointing out) why their behaviour/comment was not ok.
Document – take notes, use your culture survey. This option might involve mentioning/reporting the inappropriate behaviour to the attention of managers and can be done directly or as a general comment.
I mention these 5 intervention options in my training sessions and also use a simple 90-second video by Our Watch (Our Watch | Preventing violence against women). The video is about responding to sexual harassment but the message and strategies will work for all inappropriate behaviours. Here is the link to the video Our Watch | Bystander action.
If you are still not sure about how or when to be an upstander or an ally, start having conversations with your colleagues. Notice people’s body language, learn about difference, listen for micro-aggressions, be aware of your privilege, use your voice and your power, and simply start checking-in with care and respect.
A truly respectful workplace is one where everyone feels respected and safe. My workplace culture relies on all employees not just looking out for themselves but being active bystanders and looking out for everyone else too - and believe it or not, in an inclusive culture it really can be as easy as that.
Get in touch to chat about how Respect at Work can make a difference in your workplace.