Working with Neurodivergence: Let’s talk Flexibility, not “Fixing People”
Working with neurodivergence isn’t about fixing people. It’s about fixing environments. It’s about flexibility, not accommodations. It’s about recognising that neurotypical expectations are not universal truths.
In February this year I attended a full day workshop titled Working with neurodivergent clients in conflict, with Sam Hardy from The Conflict Management Academy this was such a great day of learning and discussion. You can check out the course on-line version here: https://conflictmanagement
academy.com/beta-course-working-with-neurodivergent-clients-in-conflict/.
I admit I still have so much to learn, and I don’t expect that journey to ever end, but the more we learn about people, the more we are equipped to creating and sustaining safe and fair workplace cultures for everyone.
Here are some of my take-aways from Sam’s training and my own learning experiences:
When we talk about neurodivergence, the conversation often starts in the wrong place. People jump straight to “accommodations” or “support plans,” as if the person is the issue. But the real problem is the expectation that everyone should behave like the majority.
To work well with neurodivergence, we need to shift from accommodations to flexibility. Accommodations imply deviation from a norm. Flexibility acknowledges that there is no single correct way to think, communicate, or participate.
Rethinking the Language: Diversity, Divergence, and “Typical”
Understanding neurodiversity starts with understanding the words we use:
Diversity means variation within a group.
Divergent means different from the typical members of that group.
Typical simply means consistent with the majority—not better, not more capable, just more common.
And here’s the part many people miss: Neurotypical is a category within neurodiversity. It’s not the default human setting. It’s just one way of being. Labels like “high‑functioning” or “low‑functioning” don’t actually tell us anything useful. High or low compared to who? According to whose comfort level?
I love this beautiful cultural perspective from te ao Māori - the Māori word for autism, takiwātanga, translates to “in your own time and place.” It’s a reminder that difference is not deficiency.
Capacity Is Not the Issue—the environment Is
Many, if not most, neurodivergent people have full capacity to engage, contribute, and thrive when the environment supports their way of participating. Neurodivergent does not mean lacking capacity. It means the indicators of success may look different from neurotypical norms. We often assume people can perceive, process, and respond all at once. Many can—but not everyone, and not in every situation. Breaking things into steps helps everyone participate more effectively.
Masking: The Stuff You Don’t See
A lot of neurodivergent people spend a huge amount of energy trying to blend in. This can look like:
holding back the urge to stim
rehearsing conversations
forcing eye contact
constantly checking facial expressions
copying social cues
This masking can be exhausting and it’s also unsustainable. And most of the time, nobody notices the effort — they only notice when the person stops masking. We need to stop judging competence based on neurotypical markers like eye contact, verbal fluency, or emotional expression.
We don’t need to know whether someone is neurodivergent, we don’t need to guess. We don’t need to diagnose. We don’t need to label.
What we should do is ask everyone is:
“What kind of process works best for you?”
Let’s also not assume anyone does or does not need flexibility. If someone chooses to disclose, the correct response is simple:
“Thank you for telling me. What do you need me to know?”
The label is not the point. The person is.
The Bottom Line
Working with neurodivergence isn’t about fixing people. It’s about fixing environments. It’s about flexibility, not accommodations. It’s about recognising that neurotypical expectations are not universal truths.
When we stop making the person the problem, we start creating spaces where everyone can participate—in their own way, in their own time, and in their own place.
Everyone is entitled to an inclusive, safe, and respectful workplace
Respect at Work facilitates discussions about respect, respectful communication, and respectful behaviours, have look here at some of the training options we offer.