Can I respect someone I don’t like?

In our personal friendship groups we can choose who we spend time with but what about in our professional lives?

We all have individual personalities, backgrounds and interests and naturally we all have people that we relate to better than others.

Likewise, some people simply do not get along, and the possibility of friendship seems impossible. That's ok, that's human nature.

In our personal friendship groups, we can choose who we spend time with but what about in our professional lives? We spend a very large portion of our lives with our workmates and sometimes we don't really like them all.

How can I act respectfully to someone I just don't like?

Perhaps we should start with a reminder of the definition of respect:

Respect is the attitude of accepting others’ differences; you need respect in order to coexist with others without conflict. 
To respect someone is to put aside our differences. It helps us avoid judging others for their individual choices and opinions.
To respect someone is to be aware of a person’s individuality, and not to demand that they change their opinions or behaviors.
What Is Respect? - Exploring your mind

This definition has nothing to do with liking someone or being friends. Yes, it may be easier to show respect to someone we understand or agree with, or someone we have shared interests with but it’s unrealistic to expect that we have that connection with everyone we may work with. So, the question remains - how do we act respectfully to someone that we just don’t like or can’t connect with?

Let’s break down the definition, the first sentence states that respect is the attitude of accepting other’s differences. Self-awareness and understanding of our own attitudes and biases will help us to be willing to acknowledge and respect difference in others. Next, be present and interested, we don't need to know everything about another person to be able to respect them but without opening our minds we may never give them a chance. Thirdly, focus on what you have in common: namely the desire we all have to simply be seen and heard, and to go to work and home again safely each day.

Many people talk about work mates feeling like family or having a work bestie or a work wife/husband, and that’s wonderful if that’s your situation. Some people also prefer to keep their friends and work colleagues very separate – also wonderful if that’s your preference.

Friend or colleague, the way we show respect is by active listening, using curiosity, kindness and compassion, by valuing rather than judging, and by being upstanders and not accepting bad/disrespectful behaviour for ourselves or others.

Do you and your colleagues communicate and act respectfully? Respect at Work training can help, contact us for a chat.